Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
