The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
