In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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