To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
