Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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