i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
