My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
