My room smells like vodka and shame
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
