Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
