I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
