don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
