I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
