someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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