I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
