oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
