Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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