you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
