can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
