hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
