Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize