i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
