I hate all girls vehemently.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
