ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
