Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
