Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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