I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
