Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
