The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
