Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
