You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
