I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
