ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
