Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
