Can i not drive my cunt home
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
