we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
whose parrot is this?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
