He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
