i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
