can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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