It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I party with great urgency now.
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