PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
