i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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