Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize