Me. At least after what I've been through.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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