I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
