I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
