You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
