I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
