Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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