bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
