I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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