And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
