I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
