I'm eating all of the evidence.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
