It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
