I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
