obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
