My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
