you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
