apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
