I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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