can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
