Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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