dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
