and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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