I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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