Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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