Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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