My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
