apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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