We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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