I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
